Counselling with Conviction

Thursday, August 14, 2025

Part 5: Confronting Truth with Courage

Leading With Conviction

There are moments in leadership when silence feels safer than speaking up. We weigh the risks, consider the fallout, and sometimes convince ourselves that staying quiet is the “loving” choice. But in God’s eyes, silence in the face of sin or injustice can be the very opposite of love.

True leadership requires the courage to speak truth — not for our own sake, but for the sake of the person we’re called to lead.

Nathan and David: The Uncomfortable Assignment

After David’s sin with Bathsheba and his orchestration of Uriah’s death, God sent the prophet Nathan to confront the king.

"The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, 'There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor…'" (2 Samuel 12:1, NIV).

Nathan didn’t march in swinging accusations. He began with a story — a parable that disarmed David’s defenses. But when the moment came, Nathan spoke the piercing truth:

"You are the man!" (2 Samuel 12:7, NIV).

This wasn’t a safe conversation. David held the power to end Nathan’s life with a word. But Nathan feared God more than he feared the reaction of a king.

The Courage Leaders Need

Nathan’s example reminds us that confrontation is not about aggression — it’s about love that is willing to risk discomfort. As leaders, whether in ministry, counseling, or family, we carry a responsibility to guard those in our care. That includes protecting them from the self-deception of sin.

Proverbs 27:5–6 says, "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses" (NIV).

True courage is fueled by compassion. Without love, confrontation becomes cruelty. Without courage, love becomes passive enablement.

Practical Truth-Telling

For leaders today, “Nathan moments” may come in many forms:

Addressing moral compromise in a leadership team.
Calling out harmful gossip before it corrodes relationships.
Warning against doctrinal drift that leads people away from Christ.
Having the hard conversation with someone in private rather than letting sin continue in silence.

Paul writes in Ephesians 4:15 that we are to "speak the truth in love." And in Galatians 6:1, he urges, "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted" (NIV).

The goal is always restoration, never humiliation.

Where Silence Speaks Loudest

Sometimes the greatest damage in leadership is done not by what we say, but by what we refuse to say. When leaders avoid the truth, it communicates that reputation, comfort, or position matter more than the spiritual health of the people we serve.

Nathan’s words to David changed the course of a king’s life and legacy. Our willingness to speak up could change the course of someone’s eternity.

A Call to Courage

Take a moment and ask:

Where have I been avoiding truth because I fear the fallout?
Who is God calling me to confront — gently, prayerfully, but directly?
Am I willing to risk comfort to protect the heart and soul of another?

Nathan’s courage reminds us that love is not silent, and leadership is not passive. Godly leaders confront not to condemn, but to heal.

When we lead with conviction, we can stand before God knowing we chose obedience over approval.

Friday, August 8, 2025

The Weight of Influence - Part 4

Leading With Conviction

“Now then, stand here, because I am going to confront you with evidence before the Lord as to all the righteous acts performed by the Lord for you and your ancestors.”
— 1 Samuel 12:7 (NIV)

There’s a kind of influence that doesn’t come from charisma, title, or platform. It’s not handed out by popular vote. It’s earned — in the quiet places, over time, through humility, obedience, and consistency.

That kind of influence is heavy — not because it crushes, but because it matters.

When Influence Is Misunderstood

Today, the word “influencer” often conjures thoughts of followers, engagement metrics, and viral reach.
But spiritual influence isn’t about reach.
It’s about responsibility.

God’s leaders are not called to build platforms.
They’re called to steward people — and that begins with integrity.

Samuel: Influence Rooted in Integrity

“Here I stand. Testify against me in the presence of the Lord... Whose ox have I taken? Whom have I cheated?”
— 1 Samuel 12:3

When Samuel stood before the nation of Israel, he wasn’t defensive.
He was confident in his integrity.
He asked the people to search his leadership — to examine his decisions, his character, his stewardship.

And they had no accusation to bring.

That’s weighty influence.
Not because of how loud Samuel spoke, but because of how consistently he lived.
His leadership didn’t need a spotlight.
It held up under scrutiny.

Nehemiah: Influence That Says “No”

When Nehemiah was rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem, his enemies tried to distract him.
They invited him to meet, to dialogue, to negotiate.

But Nehemiah replied:

“I am doing a great work and I cannot come down.”
— Nehemiah 6:3

Spiritual influence discerns distraction.
Not every opportunity is divine.
Not every open door is from God.

Nehemiah’s influence wasn’t just in his vision — it was in his refusal to compromise it.
He didn’t seek affirmation.
He sought completion.

Paul: Influence That Guards Both Message and Method

“Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God.”
— 2 Corinthians 4:2

Paul didn’t just protect what he preached — he guarded how he preached it.
He refused to manipulate or sugar-coat.
He understood that when the method is corrupted, the message is too.

Influence with integrity means never using the Word of God as a means to control, exploit, or impress.

The Call to Steward Influence

True influence isn't flashy.
It’s faithful.

It’s Samuel’s honesty, Nehemiah’s resolve, and Paul’s transparency.
It’s integrity over visibility.
Discernment over popularity.
Obedience over applause.

If God has entrusted you with influence — over a church, a group, a household, or even one person — you are called to steward, not perform.

“Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care... not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve.”
— 1 Peter 5:2

New Testament Echoes: Jesus and Paul

Jesus, after feeding the five thousand, withdrew alone because the people wanted to make Him king by force (John 6:15).
He knew premature fame could derail the mission.

Paul warned Timothy,

“Watch your life and doctrine closely.” — 1 Timothy 4:16
And Peter charged elders to lead by example, not by dominance (1 Peter 5:3).

Practical Takeaways for Today’s Leaders

Let God weigh your influence. Platforms come and go. Integrity holds.
Discern before you act. Like Nehemiah, you may have to say “no” to what flatters but distracts.
Preach with clean hands. The message must be holy — but so must the messenger.
Measure quietly. Your faithfulness behind the scenes weighs more than your following on any stage.

Closing Reflection: Not a Burden, but a Stewardship

Influence is not something to chase — it’s something to carry.

Let it weigh you down — not with fear, but with reverence.
If God entrusted you with people, gifts, or truth, then you are under no obligation to the applause of men.

You are accountable to something higher.
Your influence matters — not because of the size of your audience, but because of the God who called you.

Monday, August 4, 2025

Shepherding Without a Stage

Series: Leading With Conviction – Part 3

Posted in: Counselling With Conviction

“But if I say, ‘I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name,’
his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.”

— Jeremiah 20:9 (NIV)

There’s a kind of leadership the world will never spotlight—quiet, faithful, and often uncelebrated. It doesn't seek applause. It endures rejection, fatigue, and moments of deep inner wrestling. This is the shepherding leadership of Scripture.
And if you're living it, you’re likely not on a stage.

The Call No One Applauds

Jeremiah was not a popular prophet. He was mocked, misunderstood, and even imprisoned. Yet his obedience never hinged on approval. The word of God burned inside him, and that fire was enough to fuel his mission—even when the world silenced him.

As a leader in today’s church—especially in the face of spiritual fatigue or disappointment—you may know that same fire. You’ve considered stepping back. You've wondered if you're making any difference at all.
But like Jeremiah, something inside won’t let you walk away—not fully.
That’s not weakness. That’s evidence of calling.

Spiritual Shepherding vs. Stage Presence

Too often, leadership is confused with charisma. The loudest voice in the room gets the mic, and those who quietly bleed behind the scenes are left unseen.
But in the kingdom of God, stage presence does not equal spiritual authority.

The New Testament affirms what the Old Testament often revealed through physical hardship: God’s leaders are shepherds, not celebrities.

Consider Jesus—the ultimate Shepherd—who taught crowds but wept in solitude, who washed feet instead of demanding honor.

“Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you.
Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.”
— Hebrews 13:7 (NIV)

Leadership worth imitating isn’t flashy.
It’s faithful.

New Testament Echoes: Jesus and Paul

The New Testament confirms that faithful leadership is rarely popular leadership.

Jesus, in His own hometown of Nazareth, was rejected outright.

“Isn’t this the carpenter’s son?” they scoffed. (Matthew 13:55)
The Son of God—the only perfect shepherd—was met not with honor, but with suspicion and offense.
“A prophet is not without honor except in his own town.”

Paul was beaten, imprisoned, and abandoned by many of the churches he helped plant. He said plainly:

“At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me.” (2 Timothy 4:16)
And still, he preached, wrote, taught, corrected, and carried on.

Why?
Because like Jeremiah, they were not driven by applause but by calling.

Practical Takeaways for Leaders Tempted to Quit

1. Remember who called you.
If God put the fire in your bones, don’t expect men to keep it lit. Let Him sustain it.

2. Silence does not equal failure.
The prophet Ezekiel was told in advance that people wouldn’t listen. His success wasn’t measured by their reaction, but by his obedience (Ezekiel 2:5-7).

3. Resist the stage addiction.
Leadership isn’t proven in front of a crowd. It’s proven in the quiet, in the prayer closet, in the heartache, and in faithfulness over time.

4. Lean on the faithful few.
Jesus sent His disciples out two by two. Paul had Timothy, Luke, and others.
Find your Barnabas. Don’t go alone.

Fire in Your Bones

Jeremiah’s fire is what still burns in every God-called leader—whether in pulpits, in counseling offices, in homes, or across coffee tables.
It’s not a show. It’s not performance. It’s mission.

And it’s exhausting.
Which is why it’s not sustained by platform, but by presence—God’s presence.

The truth is: the most trustworthy shepherds aren’t standing on stages.
They’re usually standing in the gap.

Series Cap: The Leadership Journey So Far

Part 1: How to Lead Through Pain
Explored the cost of shepherding, the heartbreak it involves, and how Jesus calls us to lead from our scars, not around them.

Part 2: The Cost of the Call
Reflected on Moses, who bore the weight of a wandering people with deep frustration, yet still returned to God over and over.

Part 3: Shepherding Without a Stage
Uplifts the quiet, often unseen strength of spiritual leadership, and encourages those who serve without applause.

Closing Reflection

If you're ready to walk away, you're not alone.
But you’re not finished either.

The fire shut up in your bones is not of your making.
And it is not yours to extinguish.

Let the Holy Spirit stir again—not through accolades, but through conviction.
Not through performance, but through presence.

Leadership, real leadership, begins where popularity ends.

Personal Note:
This was the first passage ever shared with me during my first spiritual counseling session.
Thank you, Benoni P.
Your zeal always spoke louder than your words.

Tuesday, July 29, 2025

The Cost of the Call

Leading with Conviction – Part 2

There’s a reason so few people truly want to lead: it costs something. Not applause, not attention — but time, emotional labor, even heartbreak. And if we’re honest, the cost can feel unbearable at times.

Just ask Moses.

Here was a man handpicked by God, entrusted with a miraculous mission, and empowered to confront Pharaoh himself. But what followed was decades of desert wandering, constant complaints from his people, and personal frustration so intense that he once struck a rock in disobedience — forfeiting his entry into the Promised Land (Numbers 20:10–12).

Moses led through pain. Not just physical hardship, but emotional weight — the kind that bends a man low in private while he’s expected to stand tall in public.

And still… God called him.

Frustration Isn’t Failure

If you’ve ever felt angry, exhausted, or disillusioned while leading, you’re not alone. Even Moses, God’s appointed shepherd, cried out:

“What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me?”
— Numbers 11:11 (NIV)

He was transparent with his pain — and God didn’t revoke his calling. Leadership was never about having it all together. It was about staying with the people even when they were hard to love.

The Cross-Shaped Cost

Jesus Himself set the tone for true leadership:

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”
— Luke 9:23 (NIV)

This is the cost of the call — not prestige, but sacrifice. Not ambition, but submission.

The shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. (John 10:11)

And yet, the modern church too often celebrates charisma over character. We applaud leaders for their stage presence while ignoring the state of their soul. But biblical leadership isn’t loud — it’s low. It kneels, it weeps, it repents.

A Word to the Weary

If you’ve been leading through pain, you’re not disqualified. You may be more qualified than you think.

“Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care… not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.”
— 1 Peter 5:2–3 (NIV)

You don’t have to perform. You don’t have to pretend. Just keep walking — staff in hand, heart wide open — toward the One who called you.

Let Go of the White-Knuckled Grip

You don’t need to lead by sheer force of will. The cost of the call was never meant to be carried in your own strength. When we try to white-knuckle our way through ministry — gripping control, masking burnout, and muscling through conflict — we eventually collapse.

But when we release control…
When we submit again to the One who called us…
There is power.
There is rest.
There is grace for today.

The strength to lead doesn’t come from within — it flows through surrendered hands.

A Final Encouragement

If you're tired, you’re not alone. If you're hurting, you’re still called. If you've been carrying more than God asked of you, maybe today is the day to let go — not of the call, but of the burden you were never meant to bear alone.

Return to the Shepherd and Overseer of your soul (1 Peter 2:25),
and let Him restore the reason you began leading in the first place.

Saturday, July 26, 2025

How to Lead Through Pain – Part 1

When the Wound Is Still Open

by Counselling With Conviction

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
— Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

There’s a sacred kind of ache—the one that hasn’t fully healed yet.

The one that lingers even as you show up to lead.

The one that reminds you you’re not invincible, not immune, and not the hero.

Pain that’s still open is the kind that God doesn’t rush.
And yet, in our roles as leaders, counselors, pastors, mentors—we’re often expected to push through it.

But what if we didn’t?

What if we led from that very place, not in performance, but in dependence?

⚠️ Leading While Bleeding

Many of us have led in seasons where we were silently breaking.

We preached peace while privately panicking.
We offered hope while hiding our grief.
We said, “I’m fine” because that’s what we thought leaders were supposed to say.

But Scripture gives us a better way.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”
— 2 Corinthians 4:7 (NIV)

You don’t have to be the treasure.
You just have to be the jar.

💔 The Pattern of Pain in God’s People

Moses led while grieving.
David ruled while running.
Paul wrote letters of encouragement while imprisoned and afflicted.
And Jesus? Jesus led His disciples all the way to the cross while carrying the weight of our sin and sorrow.

“He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.”
— Isaiah 53:3 (NIV)

If our Savior didn’t lead from comfort, we shouldn't expect comfort to be a requirement for our calling either.

🧠 You Are Not Disqualified

Some will say:
“But I’ve failed too many times.”
“I’m too broken to lead anyone.”

And to that, Scripture responds:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
— 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

If you’re in a season of weakness—you’re in the perfect position for God’s power to shine.

🕊️ An Invitation, Not a Performance

This isn’t a call to parade your pain.
It’s a call to stop pretending that healing is a prerequisite for usefulness.

The wound may still be open,
but that doesn’t mean God is done with you.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
— Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

Your leadership may not look like it used to.
But it may look more like Christ than ever before.

💛 Final Word

If your hands are trembling and your heart is heavy,
you’re in good company.

You are not leading alone.
You are not expected to be enough.
You are a jar of clay, filled with the power of the Living God.

And yes—even with the wound still open—
you can lead.

Tuesday, July 22, 2025

Back to the Father – Part 6

Knowing Where You Belong

by Counselling With Conviction

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him...”
— Luke 15:20 (NIV)

There comes a point in every believer’s life where we must decide—not just if we believe in God, but where we stand with Him. Are we hiding in shame like Adam? Are we caught in comparison like Cain? Or are we watching from a distance like the older brother, unwilling to rejoice in someone else's return?

The story of the prodigal son in Luke 15 has been preached and retold countless times—and yet it remains deeply personal to those of us who have wandered, or who have wept under the weight of being misunderstood within the Body of Christ.

In this final part of the Back to the Father series, we turn our eyes to the one person whose choice changes everything:
the younger son.

🔁 The Journey to Come Home

This series began with a question—God’s question:
“Where are you?”
We’ve explored shame, false beliefs, community wounds, and our calling to walk in what is good.

But here, in Part 6, the focus shifts.
We are no longer lost. We are standing at the edge of the road.
And the Father is already running toward us.

🙇‍♂️ The Role of the Believer: A Heart That Returns

The beauty of the younger son isn’t just that he returned.
It’s that he returned even though he thought he wasn’t worthy.
He came back because, despite everything, he knew where he belonged.

Many believers wrestle with this same tension.
They know the Father is good, but the voices of “older brothers” in the church say otherwise.

And unfortunately, when churches operate without real shepherding—when spiritual authority is handed out based on tenure instead of calling—it’s often the voice of the older brother that drowns out the compassion of the Father.

“All these years I’ve been slaving for you…”
“Why should he get restored?”
“Who does he think he is?”

Sound familiar?

🐑 Seniority vs. Shepherding

Churches that reflect the older brother more than the Father often drift into legalism, elitism, or performance-driven faith.
Instead of rejoicing over the return of the hurting, they protect their position.
Instead of open arms, they offer crossed arms.

But the Father isn’t impressed with seniority. He’s drawn to surrender.
And true shepherds don’t protect power—they lead people home.

The believer must find themselves in the place of the younger brother—
not the shame, but the humility.
Not the guilt, but the gratitude.
Not the wandering, but the return.

💬 The Father Still Runs

If you’ve felt unsure of your place in the church…
If others made you feel unworthy to belong…
Let this be your moment to say:

“I will arise and go to my Father.”

Because the truth is this:
Your place is not determined by what others think of you.
It’s secured by the love of the One who sees you while you’re still a long way off.

🧭 Series Summary: Back to the Father

This 6-part series was written to help you return—not just to faith, but to the Father Himself:

Where Are You? – God’s first question is still His most loving.
What Have You Done? – Shame doesn’t scare Him. It draws Him near.
Who Told You That? – We must replace lies with His truth.
Trusting the Fellowship Once Again – Healing among His people is possible.
Walking in What is Good – Do justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly.
Knowing Where You Belong – Your place is with the Father—always.

💛 Final Invitation

Believer,
Whether you are limping back or leaping into His arms,
Whether you feel fully restored or still far off…

The Father is waiting.
Not with rebuke.
But with a robe.
With a ring.
With joy.

Let the voice of grace be louder than the voice of comparison.
You know where you belong.

Back with the Father.

Monday, July 14, 2025

Part 5: Faith After the Fall

Restoring Purpose After Pain

A Counselling With Conviction Article

“Though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.”
— Psalm 37:24, NIV

When Everything Breaks

There’s something uniquely painful about falling after you've already known the truth. Whether it’s a moral failure, a crisis of faith, or just the slow erosion of hope — a fall can make you feel disqualified from anything meaningful. You wonder if your best days are behind you. If your gifts still matter. If your presence is still welcome.

But in God’s Kingdom, failure does not end the story — it reframes it.

God doesn’t discard broken vessels; He restores them with purpose and power.

The God Who Restores

Think of Peter, whose boldness turned to denial in Jesus’ darkest hour — and yet, in John 21, we see Jesus restore him not just to relationship, but to leadership.

Or David, whose failure was catastrophic and deeply personal. His cries in Psalm 51 don’t just plead for forgiveness — they plead for usefulness again:
“Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” (Psalm 51:12)

Restoration is not just about healing wounds — it’s about reclaiming calling.
It’s about recognizing that God doesn’t need perfection. He wants surrender.

“He restores my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.”
— Psalm 23:3, NIV

Your Purpose Was Never Canceled

You may have assumed that your usefulness in God’s plan ended with your pain. But that assumption didn’t come from God.

Paul, once a violent persecutor of the church, became its most relentless builder. Why? Because when God heals, He also redeems — not just your heart, but your story.

Even the ugliest chapter, in God’s hands, becomes a testimony of grace.

Micah 6:8 — The Bottom Line

When we feel lost or unworthy, unsure what God wants from us, Micah offers an answer both profound and simple:

“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.”
— Micah 6:8, NIV

Not perfection. Not performance.
Just justice. Mercy. Humility.
That’s the road back. That’s how you begin again.

He Hasn’t Changed — Even If You Have

One of the hardest lies to silence after we’ve fallen is the one that whispers, “You’re not the same person anymore.” And while that may be true… so is this:

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”
— Hebrews 13:8, NIV

His love hasn’t shifted. His calling hasn’t been revoked.
His grace hasn’t run out.

You may have changed. But He hasn’t.

Questions for the Journey

Where have I assumed my fall has disqualified me from purpose?
What would it mean to start walking again — humbly, quietly — with God?
Can I accept that restoration isn’t earned, but received?

Take time to journal, pray, or simply be quiet with the Lord. Ask Him to renew your heart — not just your behavior, but your identity.

Closing Encouragement

You are not behind.
You are not too far gone.
You are being refined — and that’s part of the process.

“And the God of all grace… after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”
— 1 Peter 5:10, NIV

The fall was real — but so is your future.
And faith still says yes.