Soldier Onward

Humility is nothing if it has not left you void of pride. What we dare to think of as confidence is often an enemy putting on his best sheep costume in order to laugh at you. Sometimes I can get so indignant about the situation that I put my foot down in protest as if to say, enough, I do not get treated like this. Privilege stands in the way of progress but it is often the only tool I know how to use. How does someone become proficient with a weapon they did not know they were wielding? How can the unmighty be privileged? You cannot occupy both the beggar’s and chooser's positions at once. Is it as black and white as it appears? Feast or famine; hit or miss; dead or alive; these are the contrasting phrases of human history and yet they echo and ring true with the Words that come from heaven.

I suppose there has never really been a platform for having one foot in and the other out. We, I, am either humble and at rest in God’s favor or I have crossed over into pride, there is no middle ground and there never has been. I feel called to trust beyond limit or ability. I say limit because anything I have previously understood to be adequate has fallen very short, not only in God’s glory but in efficacy as well. I say ability because I am a collection of lessons learned and this feels “new”. My youthful zeal may have helped me enjoy the moment but did little to prepare a heart for sacrificial living.

One side of me knows this very well and can accept only the negative portion of the story. It seems to get top billing. In fact, it acts like a huge billboard sign that is no longer above the road but obstructing it. “You have failed, yet again Alex.” “Do you remember when you thought failure was fun because it brought God glory?” “How do you feel right now?” Feelings may just be the sharpest instrument used by our common foe to strike at the thought of humility. Should you still be a Bible reader, you may have noticed what I have over the years: Humility is powerful. It should be feared by an opponent but like any weapon, if you have yet to master it be careful you do not cut yourself and harm those around you. Do the work and be a workman who can correctly handle the Word of Truth. 

Where is God in all of this turmoil? Well, it turns out He does not change like the shifting shadows and He remains the same today, tomorrow, and forever. This grounds me to the notion that since God does not change neither has His expectations of me and for me. They are written down in an unchanging book with Words that were inked with blood and eternity. Awesome, what does that have to do with pride and humility. Nothing, in many ways not much. In the same way, having great golf clubs makes you a better golfer. They do not… I’ve looked into it. However, should I work on my skills and compete at the same level as my opponents, then good equipment becomes an advantage.

That is to say, I have been in the desert for many years but during that time my staff has been refined and strengthened, my sandals never gave way, and my understanding has developed. This appears to be of no advantage to the world and I hear the voice of my brother Asaph cry out, “Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure and have washed my hands in innocence. All day long I have been afflicted, and every morning brings new punishments.” Unlike Asaph, I cannot claim my heart was correct in claiming, ‘I have kept my heart pure.’ Yet equally I am forced to grow up and see my own arrogance in my complaint about the arrogant. The desert has trained me to know where arrogance leads. It has but one destination but when you travel by way of luxury, the destination does not seem so important.

I must soldier on in complete brokenness with Christ. This will be hard and I will face persecution. In fact, to deny it is coming is by itself an act of, ignorance at best, but arrogance in the end. Knowing “their” end is an Old Testament remedy so I am choosing to hold to the New Testament calling, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” I must know my final destination because I have a Savior in this world and He has given me salvation in Him. That is where all my loyalty must be and this will rub everyone the wrong way. Hold true to your conviction, Jesus is Lord! Allow Him to be your gauge for humility. Do not allow yourselves to be polluted by the world. Humility is a powerful tool in anyone’s hands.