Counselling with Conviction: 2025

Thursday, August 14, 2025

Part 5: Confronting Truth with Courage

Leading With Conviction

There are moments in leadership when silence feels safer than speaking up. We weigh the risks, consider the fallout, and sometimes convince ourselves that staying quiet is the “loving” choice. But in God’s eyes, silence in the face of sin or injustice can be the very opposite of love.

True leadership requires the courage to speak truth — not for our own sake, but for the sake of the person we’re called to lead.

Nathan and David: The Uncomfortable Assignment

After David’s sin with Bathsheba and his orchestration of Uriah’s death, God sent the prophet Nathan to confront the king.

"The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, 'There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor…'" (2 Samuel 12:1, NIV).

Nathan didn’t march in swinging accusations. He began with a story — a parable that disarmed David’s defenses. But when the moment came, Nathan spoke the piercing truth:

"You are the man!" (2 Samuel 12:7, NIV).

This wasn’t a safe conversation. David held the power to end Nathan’s life with a word. But Nathan feared God more than he feared the reaction of a king.

The Courage Leaders Need

Nathan’s example reminds us that confrontation is not about aggression — it’s about love that is willing to risk discomfort. As leaders, whether in ministry, counseling, or family, we carry a responsibility to guard those in our care. That includes protecting them from the self-deception of sin.

Proverbs 27:5–6 says, "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses" (NIV).

True courage is fueled by compassion. Without love, confrontation becomes cruelty. Without courage, love becomes passive enablement.

Practical Truth-Telling

For leaders today, “Nathan moments” may come in many forms:

Addressing moral compromise in a leadership team.
Calling out harmful gossip before it corrodes relationships.
Warning against doctrinal drift that leads people away from Christ.
Having the hard conversation with someone in private rather than letting sin continue in silence.

Paul writes in Ephesians 4:15 that we are to "speak the truth in love." And in Galatians 6:1, he urges, "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted" (NIV).

The goal is always restoration, never humiliation.

Where Silence Speaks Loudest

Sometimes the greatest damage in leadership is done not by what we say, but by what we refuse to say. When leaders avoid the truth, it communicates that reputation, comfort, or position matter more than the spiritual health of the people we serve.

Nathan’s words to David changed the course of a king’s life and legacy. Our willingness to speak up could change the course of someone’s eternity.

A Call to Courage

Take a moment and ask:

Where have I been avoiding truth because I fear the fallout?
Who is God calling me to confront — gently, prayerfully, but directly?
Am I willing to risk comfort to protect the heart and soul of another?

Nathan’s courage reminds us that love is not silent, and leadership is not passive. Godly leaders confront not to condemn, but to heal.

When we lead with conviction, we can stand before God knowing we chose obedience over approval.

Friday, August 8, 2025

The Weight of Influence - Part 4

Leading With Conviction

“Now then, stand here, because I am going to confront you with evidence before the Lord as to all the righteous acts performed by the Lord for you and your ancestors.”
— 1 Samuel 12:7 (NIV)

There’s a kind of influence that doesn’t come from charisma, title, or platform. It’s not handed out by popular vote. It’s earned — in the quiet places, over time, through humility, obedience, and consistency.

That kind of influence is heavy — not because it crushes, but because it matters.

When Influence Is Misunderstood

Today, the word “influencer” often conjures thoughts of followers, engagement metrics, and viral reach.
But spiritual influence isn’t about reach.
It’s about responsibility.

God’s leaders are not called to build platforms.
They’re called to steward people — and that begins with integrity.

Samuel: Influence Rooted in Integrity

“Here I stand. Testify against me in the presence of the Lord... Whose ox have I taken? Whom have I cheated?”
— 1 Samuel 12:3

When Samuel stood before the nation of Israel, he wasn’t defensive.
He was confident in his integrity.
He asked the people to search his leadership — to examine his decisions, his character, his stewardship.

And they had no accusation to bring.

That’s weighty influence.
Not because of how loud Samuel spoke, but because of how consistently he lived.
His leadership didn’t need a spotlight.
It held up under scrutiny.

Nehemiah: Influence That Says “No”

When Nehemiah was rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem, his enemies tried to distract him.
They invited him to meet, to dialogue, to negotiate.

But Nehemiah replied:

“I am doing a great work and I cannot come down.”
— Nehemiah 6:3

Spiritual influence discerns distraction.
Not every opportunity is divine.
Not every open door is from God.

Nehemiah’s influence wasn’t just in his vision — it was in his refusal to compromise it.
He didn’t seek affirmation.
He sought completion.

Paul: Influence That Guards Both Message and Method

“Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God.”
— 2 Corinthians 4:2

Paul didn’t just protect what he preached — he guarded how he preached it.
He refused to manipulate or sugar-coat.
He understood that when the method is corrupted, the message is too.

Influence with integrity means never using the Word of God as a means to control, exploit, or impress.

The Call to Steward Influence

True influence isn't flashy.
It’s faithful.

It’s Samuel’s honesty, Nehemiah’s resolve, and Paul’s transparency.
It’s integrity over visibility.
Discernment over popularity.
Obedience over applause.

If God has entrusted you with influence — over a church, a group, a household, or even one person — you are called to steward, not perform.

“Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care... not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve.”
— 1 Peter 5:2

New Testament Echoes: Jesus and Paul

Jesus, after feeding the five thousand, withdrew alone because the people wanted to make Him king by force (John 6:15).
He knew premature fame could derail the mission.

Paul warned Timothy,

“Watch your life and doctrine closely.” — 1 Timothy 4:16
And Peter charged elders to lead by example, not by dominance (1 Peter 5:3).

Practical Takeaways for Today’s Leaders

Let God weigh your influence. Platforms come and go. Integrity holds.
Discern before you act. Like Nehemiah, you may have to say “no” to what flatters but distracts.
Preach with clean hands. The message must be holy — but so must the messenger.
Measure quietly. Your faithfulness behind the scenes weighs more than your following on any stage.

Closing Reflection: Not a Burden, but a Stewardship

Influence is not something to chase — it’s something to carry.

Let it weigh you down — not with fear, but with reverence.
If God entrusted you with people, gifts, or truth, then you are under no obligation to the applause of men.

You are accountable to something higher.
Your influence matters — not because of the size of your audience, but because of the God who called you.

Monday, August 4, 2025

Shepherding Without a Stage

Series: Leading With Conviction – Part 3

Posted in: Counselling With Conviction

“But if I say, ‘I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name,’
his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.”

— Jeremiah 20:9 (NIV)

There’s a kind of leadership the world will never spotlight—quiet, faithful, and often uncelebrated. It doesn't seek applause. It endures rejection, fatigue, and moments of deep inner wrestling. This is the shepherding leadership of Scripture.
And if you're living it, you’re likely not on a stage.

The Call No One Applauds

Jeremiah was not a popular prophet. He was mocked, misunderstood, and even imprisoned. Yet his obedience never hinged on approval. The word of God burned inside him, and that fire was enough to fuel his mission—even when the world silenced him.

As a leader in today’s church—especially in the face of spiritual fatigue or disappointment—you may know that same fire. You’ve considered stepping back. You've wondered if you're making any difference at all.
But like Jeremiah, something inside won’t let you walk away—not fully.
That’s not weakness. That’s evidence of calling.

Spiritual Shepherding vs. Stage Presence

Too often, leadership is confused with charisma. The loudest voice in the room gets the mic, and those who quietly bleed behind the scenes are left unseen.
But in the kingdom of God, stage presence does not equal spiritual authority.

The New Testament affirms what the Old Testament often revealed through physical hardship: God’s leaders are shepherds, not celebrities.

Consider Jesus—the ultimate Shepherd—who taught crowds but wept in solitude, who washed feet instead of demanding honor.

“Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you.
Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.”
— Hebrews 13:7 (NIV)

Leadership worth imitating isn’t flashy.
It’s faithful.

New Testament Echoes: Jesus and Paul

The New Testament confirms that faithful leadership is rarely popular leadership.

Jesus, in His own hometown of Nazareth, was rejected outright.

“Isn’t this the carpenter’s son?” they scoffed. (Matthew 13:55)
The Son of God—the only perfect shepherd—was met not with honor, but with suspicion and offense.
“A prophet is not without honor except in his own town.”

Paul was beaten, imprisoned, and abandoned by many of the churches he helped plant. He said plainly:

“At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me.” (2 Timothy 4:16)
And still, he preached, wrote, taught, corrected, and carried on.

Why?
Because like Jeremiah, they were not driven by applause but by calling.

Practical Takeaways for Leaders Tempted to Quit

1. Remember who called you.
If God put the fire in your bones, don’t expect men to keep it lit. Let Him sustain it.

2. Silence does not equal failure.
The prophet Ezekiel was told in advance that people wouldn’t listen. His success wasn’t measured by their reaction, but by his obedience (Ezekiel 2:5-7).

3. Resist the stage addiction.
Leadership isn’t proven in front of a crowd. It’s proven in the quiet, in the prayer closet, in the heartache, and in faithfulness over time.

4. Lean on the faithful few.
Jesus sent His disciples out two by two. Paul had Timothy, Luke, and others.
Find your Barnabas. Don’t go alone.

Fire in Your Bones

Jeremiah’s fire is what still burns in every God-called leader—whether in pulpits, in counseling offices, in homes, or across coffee tables.
It’s not a show. It’s not performance. It’s mission.

And it’s exhausting.
Which is why it’s not sustained by platform, but by presence—God’s presence.

The truth is: the most trustworthy shepherds aren’t standing on stages.
They’re usually standing in the gap.

Series Cap: The Leadership Journey So Far

Part 1: How to Lead Through Pain
Explored the cost of shepherding, the heartbreak it involves, and how Jesus calls us to lead from our scars, not around them.

Part 2: The Cost of the Call
Reflected on Moses, who bore the weight of a wandering people with deep frustration, yet still returned to God over and over.

Part 3: Shepherding Without a Stage
Uplifts the quiet, often unseen strength of spiritual leadership, and encourages those who serve without applause.

Closing Reflection

If you're ready to walk away, you're not alone.
But you’re not finished either.

The fire shut up in your bones is not of your making.
And it is not yours to extinguish.

Let the Holy Spirit stir again—not through accolades, but through conviction.
Not through performance, but through presence.

Leadership, real leadership, begins where popularity ends.

Personal Note:
This was the first passage ever shared with me during my first spiritual counseling session.
Thank you, Benoni P.
Your zeal always spoke louder than your words.

Tuesday, July 29, 2025

The Cost of the Call

Leading with Conviction – Part 2

There’s a reason so few people truly want to lead: it costs something. Not applause, not attention — but time, emotional labor, even heartbreak. And if we’re honest, the cost can feel unbearable at times.

Just ask Moses.

Here was a man handpicked by God, entrusted with a miraculous mission, and empowered to confront Pharaoh himself. But what followed was decades of desert wandering, constant complaints from his people, and personal frustration so intense that he once struck a rock in disobedience — forfeiting his entry into the Promised Land (Numbers 20:10–12).

Moses led through pain. Not just physical hardship, but emotional weight — the kind that bends a man low in private while he’s expected to stand tall in public.

And still… God called him.

Frustration Isn’t Failure

If you’ve ever felt angry, exhausted, or disillusioned while leading, you’re not alone. Even Moses, God’s appointed shepherd, cried out:

“What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me?”
— Numbers 11:11 (NIV)

He was transparent with his pain — and God didn’t revoke his calling. Leadership was never about having it all together. It was about staying with the people even when they were hard to love.

The Cross-Shaped Cost

Jesus Himself set the tone for true leadership:

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”
— Luke 9:23 (NIV)

This is the cost of the call — not prestige, but sacrifice. Not ambition, but submission.

The shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. (John 10:11)

And yet, the modern church too often celebrates charisma over character. We applaud leaders for their stage presence while ignoring the state of their soul. But biblical leadership isn’t loud — it’s low. It kneels, it weeps, it repents.

A Word to the Weary

If you’ve been leading through pain, you’re not disqualified. You may be more qualified than you think.

“Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care… not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.”
— 1 Peter 5:2–3 (NIV)

You don’t have to perform. You don’t have to pretend. Just keep walking — staff in hand, heart wide open — toward the One who called you.

Let Go of the White-Knuckled Grip

You don’t need to lead by sheer force of will. The cost of the call was never meant to be carried in your own strength. When we try to white-knuckle our way through ministry — gripping control, masking burnout, and muscling through conflict — we eventually collapse.

But when we release control…
When we submit again to the One who called us…
There is power.
There is rest.
There is grace for today.

The strength to lead doesn’t come from within — it flows through surrendered hands.

A Final Encouragement

If you're tired, you’re not alone. If you're hurting, you’re still called. If you've been carrying more than God asked of you, maybe today is the day to let go — not of the call, but of the burden you were never meant to bear alone.

Return to the Shepherd and Overseer of your soul (1 Peter 2:25),
and let Him restore the reason you began leading in the first place.

Saturday, July 26, 2025

How to Lead Through Pain – Part 1

When the Wound Is Still Open

by Counselling With Conviction

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
— Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

There’s a sacred kind of ache—the one that hasn’t fully healed yet.

The one that lingers even as you show up to lead.

The one that reminds you you’re not invincible, not immune, and not the hero.

Pain that’s still open is the kind that God doesn’t rush.
And yet, in our roles as leaders, counselors, pastors, mentors—we’re often expected to push through it.

But what if we didn’t?

What if we led from that very place, not in performance, but in dependence?

⚠️ Leading While Bleeding

Many of us have led in seasons where we were silently breaking.

We preached peace while privately panicking.
We offered hope while hiding our grief.
We said, “I’m fine” because that’s what we thought leaders were supposed to say.

But Scripture gives us a better way.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”
— 2 Corinthians 4:7 (NIV)

You don’t have to be the treasure.
You just have to be the jar.

💔 The Pattern of Pain in God’s People

Moses led while grieving.
David ruled while running.
Paul wrote letters of encouragement while imprisoned and afflicted.
And Jesus? Jesus led His disciples all the way to the cross while carrying the weight of our sin and sorrow.

“He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.”
— Isaiah 53:3 (NIV)

If our Savior didn’t lead from comfort, we shouldn't expect comfort to be a requirement for our calling either.

🧠 You Are Not Disqualified

Some will say:
“But I’ve failed too many times.”
“I’m too broken to lead anyone.”

And to that, Scripture responds:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
— 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

If you’re in a season of weakness—you’re in the perfect position for God’s power to shine.

🕊️ An Invitation, Not a Performance

This isn’t a call to parade your pain.
It’s a call to stop pretending that healing is a prerequisite for usefulness.

The wound may still be open,
but that doesn’t mean God is done with you.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
— Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

Your leadership may not look like it used to.
But it may look more like Christ than ever before.

💛 Final Word

If your hands are trembling and your heart is heavy,
you’re in good company.

You are not leading alone.
You are not expected to be enough.
You are a jar of clay, filled with the power of the Living God.

And yes—even with the wound still open—
you can lead.

Tuesday, July 22, 2025

Back to the Father – Part 6

Knowing Where You Belong

by Counselling With Conviction

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him...”
— Luke 15:20 (NIV)

There comes a point in every believer’s life where we must decide—not just if we believe in God, but where we stand with Him. Are we hiding in shame like Adam? Are we caught in comparison like Cain? Or are we watching from a distance like the older brother, unwilling to rejoice in someone else's return?

The story of the prodigal son in Luke 15 has been preached and retold countless times—and yet it remains deeply personal to those of us who have wandered, or who have wept under the weight of being misunderstood within the Body of Christ.

In this final part of the Back to the Father series, we turn our eyes to the one person whose choice changes everything:
the younger son.

🔁 The Journey to Come Home

This series began with a question—God’s question:
“Where are you?”
We’ve explored shame, false beliefs, community wounds, and our calling to walk in what is good.

But here, in Part 6, the focus shifts.
We are no longer lost. We are standing at the edge of the road.
And the Father is already running toward us.

🙇‍♂️ The Role of the Believer: A Heart That Returns

The beauty of the younger son isn’t just that he returned.
It’s that he returned even though he thought he wasn’t worthy.
He came back because, despite everything, he knew where he belonged.

Many believers wrestle with this same tension.
They know the Father is good, but the voices of “older brothers” in the church say otherwise.

And unfortunately, when churches operate without real shepherding—when spiritual authority is handed out based on tenure instead of calling—it’s often the voice of the older brother that drowns out the compassion of the Father.

“All these years I’ve been slaving for you…”
“Why should he get restored?”
“Who does he think he is?”

Sound familiar?

🐑 Seniority vs. Shepherding

Churches that reflect the older brother more than the Father often drift into legalism, elitism, or performance-driven faith.
Instead of rejoicing over the return of the hurting, they protect their position.
Instead of open arms, they offer crossed arms.

But the Father isn’t impressed with seniority. He’s drawn to surrender.
And true shepherds don’t protect power—they lead people home.

The believer must find themselves in the place of the younger brother—
not the shame, but the humility.
Not the guilt, but the gratitude.
Not the wandering, but the return.

💬 The Father Still Runs

If you’ve felt unsure of your place in the church…
If others made you feel unworthy to belong…
Let this be your moment to say:

“I will arise and go to my Father.”

Because the truth is this:
Your place is not determined by what others think of you.
It’s secured by the love of the One who sees you while you’re still a long way off.

🧭 Series Summary: Back to the Father

This 6-part series was written to help you return—not just to faith, but to the Father Himself:

Where Are You? – God’s first question is still His most loving.
What Have You Done? – Shame doesn’t scare Him. It draws Him near.
Who Told You That? – We must replace lies with His truth.
Trusting the Fellowship Once Again – Healing among His people is possible.
Walking in What is Good – Do justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly.
Knowing Where You Belong – Your place is with the Father—always.

💛 Final Invitation

Believer,
Whether you are limping back or leaping into His arms,
Whether you feel fully restored or still far off…

The Father is waiting.
Not with rebuke.
But with a robe.
With a ring.
With joy.

Let the voice of grace be louder than the voice of comparison.
You know where you belong.

Back with the Father.

Monday, July 14, 2025

Part 5: Faith After the Fall

Restoring Purpose After Pain

A Counselling With Conviction Article

“Though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.”
— Psalm 37:24, NIV

When Everything Breaks

There’s something uniquely painful about falling after you've already known the truth. Whether it’s a moral failure, a crisis of faith, or just the slow erosion of hope — a fall can make you feel disqualified from anything meaningful. You wonder if your best days are behind you. If your gifts still matter. If your presence is still welcome.

But in God’s Kingdom, failure does not end the story — it reframes it.

God doesn’t discard broken vessels; He restores them with purpose and power.

The God Who Restores

Think of Peter, whose boldness turned to denial in Jesus’ darkest hour — and yet, in John 21, we see Jesus restore him not just to relationship, but to leadership.

Or David, whose failure was catastrophic and deeply personal. His cries in Psalm 51 don’t just plead for forgiveness — they plead for usefulness again:
“Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” (Psalm 51:12)

Restoration is not just about healing wounds — it’s about reclaiming calling.
It’s about recognizing that God doesn’t need perfection. He wants surrender.

“He restores my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.”
— Psalm 23:3, NIV

Your Purpose Was Never Canceled

You may have assumed that your usefulness in God’s plan ended with your pain. But that assumption didn’t come from God.

Paul, once a violent persecutor of the church, became its most relentless builder. Why? Because when God heals, He also redeems — not just your heart, but your story.

Even the ugliest chapter, in God’s hands, becomes a testimony of grace.

Micah 6:8 — The Bottom Line

When we feel lost or unworthy, unsure what God wants from us, Micah offers an answer both profound and simple:

“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.”
— Micah 6:8, NIV

Not perfection. Not performance.
Just justice. Mercy. Humility.
That’s the road back. That’s how you begin again.

He Hasn’t Changed — Even If You Have

One of the hardest lies to silence after we’ve fallen is the one that whispers, “You’re not the same person anymore.” And while that may be true… so is this:

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”
— Hebrews 13:8, NIV

His love hasn’t shifted. His calling hasn’t been revoked.
His grace hasn’t run out.

You may have changed. But He hasn’t.

Questions for the Journey

Where have I assumed my fall has disqualified me from purpose?
What would it mean to start walking again — humbly, quietly — with God?
Can I accept that restoration isn’t earned, but received?

Take time to journal, pray, or simply be quiet with the Lord. Ask Him to renew your heart — not just your behavior, but your identity.

Closing Encouragement

You are not behind.
You are not too far gone.
You are being refined — and that’s part of the process.

“And the God of all grace… after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”
— 1 Peter 5:10, NIV

The fall was real — but so is your future.
And faith still says yes.

Sunday, July 6, 2025

Back to the Father, Part 4

Trusting the Fellowship Once Again

Reentering Christian community after being hurt can feel like stepping into a room full of open wounds. For many, it’s not God they mistrust — it’s His people. And yet, Scripture reminds us that we were never meant to walk this road alone. The road back to the Father often leads through the messy, beautiful path of fellowship.

The Isolation That Hurt Brings

Church hurt often drives us into isolation — not just from a specific group of people, but from the very idea of fellowship. And honestly, isolation can feel safer. There’s no risk of being misunderstood, manipulated, or overlooked when you’re alone. But over time, that safety turns to suffocation. We were created for connection, and while solitude may serve us for a season, it cannot sustain us long-term.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together… but encouraging one another.”
— Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

Even psychology affirms what Scripture teaches: community is essential to healing. We need spaces where we can be known, seen, and loved — especially after pain.

Jesus Understands Betrayal by His Own

One of the greatest sources of comfort is knowing that Jesus Himself was betrayed — not by outsiders, but by one of His own. He knows the sting of disloyalty, the heartbreak of misplaced trust, the ache of a fractured circle.

“He who shared my bread has turned against me.”
— John 13:18 (NIV)

If Jesus, perfect and sinless, could experience betrayal within His own fellowship, then it makes sense that we too might encounter hurt. And yet, He did not give up on community. He continued loving, teaching, and restoring — even when it hurt.

Relearning Trust Doesn’t Mean Rushing In

Healing doesn’t mean pretending everything’s okay. It’s okay to take your time. It’s okay to be cautious. It’s okay to seek God before stepping back into church walls or small group circles.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
— Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

Guarding your heart doesn’t mean closing it off forever. It means being wise about who you trust, how you open up, and where you plant roots. The goal isn’t to return to the very place that hurt you, but to move forward into a place that nurtures and protects what God is restoring in you.

The Fellowship Is God’s Gift, Not Man’s Invention

Christian community isn’t a modern church trend. It’s a sacred design. It was God who said it’s not good for man to be alone. It was Jesus who sent His disciples out two by two. And it was the early Church who devoted themselves not just to teaching and prayer — but to fellowship.

“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.”
— Acts 2:42 (NIV)

Fellowship is where burdens are shared, joy is multiplied, and lives are transformed. It’s not perfect, but it’s powerful. When centered on Christ, fellowship becomes a vessel of grace, healing, and growth.

Moving Forward with Open Hands

Rebuilding trust doesn’t require blind faith — it requires brave steps. No one expects you to forget the past. But God invites you not to let it define your future. Even fractured community can be redeemed. Even the loneliest heart can find a home again.

“So in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.”
— Romans 12:5 (NIV)

You don’t have to dive back in. Just take one small step. A conversation. A visit. A prayer. A willingness to try again. God honors each act of courage.

Final Thoughts

You’re not weak for hesitating. You’re human. But God is patient — and powerful — able to gently restore your trust in His people one faithful step at a time.

Coming back to the Father often includes rediscovering the beauty of His family. And like all good families, the healthiest ones learn from their mistakes and fight for what matters: each other.

Tuesday, July 1, 2025

Back to the Father – Healing Before the Walls

Part 3: Relearning the Sound of His Voice

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”
— John 10:27 (NIV)

When the storm of church hurt has passed, what often remains is silence.
Not peace — just quiet.
A stillness that doesn’t comfort, but unsettles.

Where is God’s voice now?

Where is the joy, the conviction, the certainty you once knew?

This third part of our journey isn’t about returning to the noise of religion.
It’s about rediscovering the voice of your Shepherd.

🔹 The Silence After the Storm

Many believers who’ve been wounded by leadership, doctrine, or community retreat — not just from the building, but from God Himself. The silence they experience afterward is confusing and disheartening.

But what if the silence isn’t absence?
What if it’s invitation?

“The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.”
— Psalm 145:18 (NIV)

God has not gone anywhere. But sometimes, healing requires a stillness that lets His voice rise above the noise we used to confuse for Him.

🔹 God’s Voice Is Not What Hurt You

We must say it clearly: God’s voice is not the one that shamed you, controlled you, or dismissed you.

He is not the sound of guilt-driven obedience.
He is not coercion dressed in Scripture.

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’”
— Isaiah 30:21 (NIV)

Yes, He convicts — but never condemns.
Yes, He calls — but never forces.

🔹 Learning to Listen Again

You don’t need to perform to hear from God. You need to be present.

Simple practices can reopen the ears of your heart:

🕊️ Whispered, honest prayer — not polished, but real
📖 Reading the Gospels slowly — listening for Christ’s tone
✍️ Writing letters to God — even angry or confused ones
🌿 Sitting in silence — and letting the silence be enough

“Be still, and know that I am God.”
— Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

These are not tasks. They are invitations.
You are not climbing back to Him — you are meeting the One who already came to you.

🔹 From Religion to Relationship

Jesus came not to establish a new hierarchy, but to tear down the wall that separated us.
He called the unqualified. He welcomed the broken. He stood against the religious elite when they distorted the Father's heart.

We must remember: God isn’t recruiting you for a program.
He is restoring you to a Person.

🔹 A Word to Leaders — and to the Flock

The New Testament writers warned relentlessly of false teaching — even more than the attacks of our spiritual enemy.

This matters.

Not because pastors are villains — but because those of us in leadership bear the weight of shaping God’s voice to the people.

Sometimes, what people flee is not God, but our distortion of Him.

To every wounded believer: Your Shepherd is still good.
To every leader: Let us tremble at the responsibility we carry.

🕊️ Closing Thoughts – God Still Speaks

God’s voice was never silenced. It was smothered beneath performance, pressure, and pain.

Now — as you return not to the walls, but to the Father — listen again.
Not for thunder.
Not for a sermon.
But for the voice that knows your name and still calls you home.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
— Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

Sunday, June 29, 2025

Back to the Father – Healing Before the Walls

Part 2: Seeing God for Who He Truly Is

“Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father.” — John 14:9 (NIV)

When pain distorts our view of God, it’s easy to project human failure onto divine perfection. Pastors, leaders, friends — they may have claimed to speak for God, but acted in ways He never would. What began as a search for community may have turned into confusion, silence, or even exile.

But God… is not like us.

Let’s take one step closer. Let’s see the Father again — as He truly is.

🔹 Unlearning the Lie: God Is Not Like Us

If your experience of faith has been marked by control, manipulation, rejection, or fear, then know this: that is not the character of God.

He is not distant. He is not waiting to condemn. He does not demand perfection before offering compassion.

“The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.”
— Psalm 145:8 (NIV)

We cannot afford to confuse the representatives of God with the person of God. Leaders may fail, people may misuse Scripture, but God’s nature remains unchanging.

🔹 Jesus: The True Reflection of the Father

How do we know what the Father is truly like? Look at Jesus.

He touched the untouchable.
He wept with the grieving.
He defended the shamed and lifted up the outcast.

Jesus was not just a messenger — He was the image of the invisible God (Colossians 1:15). If you have seen Him, you have seen the Father.

The story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15 doesn’t show a Father waiting with crossed arms and a list of failures. It shows a Father who runs, who embraces, who restores.

That’s the heart of God.

🔹 Rebuilding Trust One Truth at a Time

Healing doesn’t demand speed. It invites honesty.

Begin again with small prayers — even if all you can say is “God, are you still there?”
Read the Gospels with no other lens than Christ’s compassion.
Journal your real questions, your doubts, your desire to believe again.

He is not offended by your healing process. He designed it.

🕊️ Closing Thoughts – Grace Over Judgment

God’s first impulse is not judgment. It’s grace.
He does not hold your questions against you.
He does not tally up your Sundays missed or the distance you've traveled away from church walls.

He sees the pain that pulled you away.
And He sees the longing to return — even if you don’t know how.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
— Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

Before you return to any building, return to the heart of God.
He has been waiting, not with a gavel, but with open arms.

Wednesday, June 25, 2025

Back to the Father: Healing Before the Walls

Part 1: When Pain Distorts the Face of God

There are wounds that do not bleed, but still bleed out belief.
There are hurts so tied to sacred places that they confuse the voice of God with the voice of man. And when spiritual betrayal strikes, it doesn’t just drive people out of church buildings — it drives them into spiritual isolation.

This is how pain begins to distort the face of God.

We’ve seen it. Some have lived it.
We know the language: “I still believe in God… I just don’t know if I can go back to church.”
And behind those words is a deeper ache: If the people of God could treat me this way, is this how God feels about me too?

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
— Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

God is not absent from this kind of pain — but neither is He responsible for it. God was never the one who hurt you. And He has not confused Himself with the failures of the church.

💬 Our Story

My wife and I have lived through this.

We gave up everything we knew — she left her family and comfort, I left San Diego and all its familiarity — and we moved to build a church. We didn’t come for comfort or applause; we came to serve.

But when the church began to unravel in hardship, what met us was silence. Distance. Advice that fractured trust, like someone suggesting my wife leave me because I “wasn’t leading her correctly.”

We felt abandoned — left to drift without an anchor or compass.
We missed the fellowship we had poured ourselves into, but it clearly did not miss us. And in that kind of sorrow, the temptation grows to say: Just watch us succeed anyway. Just watch us prove you wrong.

But self-justification cannot heal a soul. Only the Father can.

And He did. He held us — never once letting go. We didn’t leave Him, and He never left us. In that sacred security, we began to heal.

We realized this was refinement, not rejection. That God was calling us to maturity, not obscurity. That our faith wasn’t meant to be popular — it was meant to be pure. And so we began to see our lives in the Scriptures again. We remembered: we are the church, and we know who we serve.

“While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son…”
— Luke 15:20 (NIV)

This story is not shared from bitterness, but from burden — the burden to help others find their way back to the Father without shame, without guilt, and without needing a stage or pew to do it.

Because healing begins with Him, not the building.

✝️ Why Now?

Because enough is enough.
How long can we live in slavery to spiritual pain?
How long will silence and disconnection keep God’s children in hiding?

My wife and I are both trained — she as a professional counselor, I as a chaplain — but our greatest education came not from degrees, but from surviving. Now, our work is to reframe modern mental health practices through a spiritual lens, helping people see that evidence-based healing and Gospel truth are not enemies — they are allies.

We are not against the church. We are the church.
But the church must begin to look like the Christ it proclaims.

Saturday, June 21, 2025

Sacred and Unashamed: Reclaiming God’s Vision for Romance and Intimacy

Part 3: Intimacy Redeemed – Learning to Love with God at the Center

🕊️ Thank You for Coming Into the Light

When I began this series, I expected silence. And in many ways, silence came.
But behind that silence, the real voices found me:

To every heart that whispered back: thank you. You are not alone — and your honesty is the beginning of freedom.

🔹 What Does Intimacy Redeemed Look Like?

1️⃣ It’s Not Perfect — It’s Honest
Real intimacy is not a flawless performance. It’s trust. It’s laughter. It’s permission to learn and grow together without fear.

2️⃣ It’s Not Just Physical — It’s Spiritual
Song of Songs is not just about bodies — it’s about hearts intertwined. Passion was always meant to echo covenant love.

3️⃣ It’s Not Secret — It’s Safe
Intimacy redeemed means no more hiding, no more shame, no more fear of rejection. It means saying, “This is who I am, and I am yours.”

🔹 How Do We Learn to Love This Way?

✅ Return to the Word
Open Song of Songs without embarrassment. Read what God says about passion and delight.

✅ Reject the World’s Counterfeits
Turn from the internet’s shallow scripts. Real love is holy and human — not staged and soulless.

✅ Remember Your True Worth
In Proverbs we are warned:

“For a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread, but another man’s wife preys on your very life.”
— Proverbs 6:26 (NIV)

When passion is bought and sold cheaply, we feel cheap in return.
But you were never meant to be a transaction.

“You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
— 1 Corinthians 6:19–20 (NIV)

You are not disposable. You are beloved — chosen — and worth a covenant, not a bargain.

✅ Seek Healing
If your story includes pain, secrecy, or regret, bring it to the Light. Through prayer, therapy, and trusted relationships, let Christ rewrite your story.

🔹 Celebrate What’s Possible

“Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.”
— Song of Songs 4:16 (NIV)

This is not sin. This is Scripture. It is pleasure, trust, and delight — a gift from a Father who delights to give good gifts.

🌿 Closing: Sacred and Unashamed

You are not too far gone.
Your story is not too broken.
Your desire is not too much for God to heal and bless.

Thank you for reading this series.
Thank you for your honesty, your courage, and your hope.
May your love — today and always — be sacred and unashamed.

📚 About This Series

Sacred and Unashamed:

Part 1: The Scripture We Don’t Preach
Part 2: From Shame to Chains
Part 3: Intimacy Redeemed

Monday, June 16, 2025

Sacred and Unashamed: Reclaiming God’s Vision for Romance and Intimacy

Part 2: From Shame to Chains – How Silence and Shame Drive Us Toward Addiction and Confusion

🕊️ When We Stay Silent, We Stay Bound

When I released Part 1 of this series—about God’s passion and the Song of Songs—I noticed something telling.

The likes were few.
The comments were quiet.
But the views? Higher than anything else I’ve written.

What does that tell us?

People want answers about intimacy.
People long to understand how God fits into romance and desire.
But most are too embarrassed—or too afraid—to say so out loud.

And that silence?
It becomes a breeding ground for shame.
And shame, left unspoken, turns into chains.

🔹 The Unspoken Truth: Shame Seeks Shadows

When the church avoids honest conversations about sex, love, and desire, the world becomes the teacher.

We hide our questions because we’re taught that “good Christians” don’t ask them.
We feel dirty for having desires God Himself designed.
And in that hidden place, curiosity finds a substitute: magazines, movies, social media, pornography.

What we won’t talk about at the table, we whisper about behind closed doors.

“We left God in shame… only to end up in chains.”

🔹 Shame Grows in the Dark

Secrecy has always been Satan’s playground.
Ephesians 5:11 (NIV) says:

“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”

Yet when we hide:

Shame festers.
Confusion deepens.
Secret struggles become patterns.
Patterns become addictions.

And all along, the enemy whispers, “You can’t tell anyone. They’ll think you’re filthy.”

So we stay quiet.
We stay addicted.
We stay alone.

🔹 This Is Not God’s Design

God never shamed Adam and Eve for being naked.
Shame entered when sin did—and even then, God called out to them:

“Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9, NIV)

That question echoes today.
Where are you hiding your pain?
Where have you covered up what was meant to be open and sacred?

God invites us out of hiding—not to scold, but to heal.

🔹 The Chains We Carry

When shame is never named, it leads to:

Pornography use (even among church leaders)
Affairs and secrecy in marriages
Unrealistic expectations shaped by Internet fantasies
A growing numbness to real love and genuine connection

We do not become more holy by pretending these struggles don’t exist.
We become more enslaved.

🔹 Step Into the Light

Confession is not weakness.
Accountability is not bondage.
God’s Word says:

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”
—James 5:16 (NIV)

Healing begins where shame ends: in the light.

🌿 Closing Thought: The Chain-Breaker

The good news is this:
The same God who designed holy intimacy is the One who destroys shame.

He sees the secret clicks.
He knows the lonely searches.
He understands the regrets you’ve carried for years.

And He does not condemn you.
He calls you to freedom.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
—John 8:32 (NIV)