Back to the Father – Healing Before the Walls

 Part 2: Seeing God for Who He Truly Is

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“Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father.” — John 14:9 (NIV)

When pain distorts our view of God, it’s easy to project human failure onto divine perfection. Pastors, leaders, friends — they may have claimed to speak for God, but acted in ways He never would. What began as a search for community may have turned into confusion, silence, or even exile. 

But God… is not like us.

Let’s take one step closer. Let’s see the Father again — as He truly is.

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🔹 Unlearning the Lie: God Is Not Like Us

If your experience of faith has been marked by control, manipulation, rejection, or fear, then know this: that is not the character of God.

He is not distant. He is not waiting to condemn. He does not demand perfection before offering compassion.

“The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.”
— Psalm 145:8 (NIV)

We cannot afford to confuse the representatives of God with the person of God. Leaders may fail, people may misuse Scripture, but God’s nature remains unchanging.

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🔹 Jesus: The True Reflection of the Father

How do we know what the Father is truly like? Look at Jesus.

He touched the untouchable.
He wept with the grieving.
He defended the shamed and lifted up the outcast.

Jesus was not just a messenger — He was the image of the invisible God (Colossians 1:15). If you have seen Him, you have seen the Father.

The story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15 doesn’t show a Father waiting with crossed arms and a list of failures. It shows a Father who runs, who embraces, who restores.

That’s the heart of God.

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🔹 Rebuilding Trust One Truth at a Time

Healing doesn’t demand speed. It invites honesty.

• Begin again with small prayers — even if all you can say is “God, are you still there?”

• Read the Gospels with no other lens than Christ’s compassion.

• Journal your real questions, your doubts, your desire to believe again.

He is not offended by your healing process. He designed it.

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🕊️ Closing Thoughts – Grace Over Judgment

God’s first impulse is not judgment. It’s grace.
He does not hold your questions against you.
He does not tally up your Sundays missed or the distance you've traveled away from church walls.

He sees the pain that pulled you away.
And He sees the longing to return — even if you don’t know how.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
— Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

Before you return to any building, return to the heart of God.
He has been waiting, not with a gavel, but with open arms.

Back to the Father: Healing Before the Walls

 Part 1: When Pain Distorts the Face of God

There are wounds that do not bleed, but still bleed out belief.
There are hurts so tied to sacred places that they confuse the voice of God with the voice of man. And when spiritual betrayal strikes, it doesn’t just drive people out of church buildings — it drives them into spiritual isolation.

This is how pain begins to distort the face of God.

We’ve seen it. Some have lived it.
We know the language: “I still believe in God… I just don’t know if I can go back to church.”
And behind those words is a deeper ache: If the people of God could treat me this way, is this how God feels about me too?

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
— Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

God is not absent from this kind of pain — but neither is He responsible for it. God was never the one who hurt you. And He has not confused Himself with the failures of the church.

💬 Our Story

My wife and I have lived through this.

We gave up everything we knew — she left her family and comfort, I left San Diego and all its familiarity — and we moved to build a church. We didn’t come for comfort or applause; we came to serve.

But when the church began to unravel in hardship, what met us was silence. Distance. Advice that fractured trust, like someone suggesting my wife leave me because I “wasn’t leading her correctly.”

We felt abandoned — left to drift without an anchor or compass.
We missed the fellowship we had poured ourselves into, but it clearly did not miss us. And in that kind of sorrow, the temptation grows to say: Just watch us succeed anyway. Just watch us prove you wrong.

But self-justification cannot heal a soul. Only the Father can.

And He did. He held us — never once letting go. We didn’t leave Him, and He never left us. In that sacred security, we began to heal.

We realized this was refinement, not rejection. That God was calling us to maturity, not obscurity. That our faith wasn’t meant to be popular — it was meant to be pure. And so we began to see our lives in the Scriptures again. We remembered: we are the church, and we know who we serve.

“While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son…”
— Luke 15:20 (NIV)

This story is not shared from bitterness, but from burden — the burden to help others find their way back to the Father without shame, without guilt, and without needing a stage or pew to do it.

Because healing begins with Him, not the building.

✝️ Why Now?

Because enough is enough.
How long can we live in slavery to spiritual pain?
How long will silence and disconnection keep God’s children in hiding?

My wife and I are both trained — she as a professional counselor, I as a chaplain — but our greatest education came not from degrees, but from surviving. Now, our work is to reframe modern mental health practices through a spiritual lens, helping people see that evidence-based healing and Gospel truth are not enemies — they are allies.

We are not against the church. We are the church.
But the church must begin to look like the Christ it proclaims.

Sacred and Unashamed: Reclaiming God’s Vision for Romance and Intimacy

Part 3: Intimacy Redeemed – Learning to Love with God at the Center

🕊️ Thank You for Coming Into the Light

When I began this series, I expected silence. And in many ways, silence came.
But behind that silence, the real voices found me:

To every heart that whispered back: thank you. You are not alone — and your honesty is the beginning of freedom.

🔹 What Does Intimacy Redeemed Look Like?

1️⃣ It’s Not Perfect — It’s Honest
Real intimacy is not a flawless performance. It’s trust. It’s laughter. It’s permission to learn and grow together without fear. 

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2️⃣ It’s Not Just Physical — It’s Spiritual
Song of Songs is not just about bodies — it’s about hearts intertwined. Passion was always meant to echo covenant love.

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3️⃣ It’s Not Secret — It’s Safe
Intimacy redeemed means no more hiding, no more shame, no more fear of rejection. It means saying, “This is who I am, and I am yours.”

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🔹 How Do We Learn to Love This Way?

✅ Return to the Word
Open Song of Songs without embarrassment. Read what God says about passion and delight.

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✅ Reject the World’s Counterfeits
Turn from the internet’s shallow scripts. Real love is holy and human — not staged and soulless.

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✅ Remember Your True Worth
In Proverbs we are warned:

“For a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread, but another man’s wife preys on your very life.”
— Proverbs 6:26 (NIV)

When passion is bought and sold cheaply, we feel cheap in return.
But you were never meant to be a transaction.

“You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
— 1 Corinthians 6:19–20 (NIV)

You are not disposable. You are beloved — chosen — and worth a covenant, not a bargain.

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✅ Seek Healing
If your story includes pain, secrecy, or regret, bring it to the Light. Through prayer, therapy, and trusted relationships, let Christ rewrite your story.

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🔹 Celebrate What’s Possible

“Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.”
— Song of Songs 4:16 (NIV)

This is not sin. This is Scripture. It is pleasure, trust, and delight — a gift from a Father who delights to give good gifts.

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🌿 Closing: Sacred and Unashamed

You are not too far gone.
Your story is not too broken.
Your desire is not too much for God to heal and bless.

Thank you for reading this series.
Thank you for your honesty, your courage, and your hope.
May your love — today and always — be sacred and unashamed.

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📚 About This Series

Sacred and Unashamed:

• Part 1: The Scripture We Don’t Preach

• Part 2: From Shame to Chains

• Part 3: Intimacy Redeemed

Sacred and Unashamed: Reclaiming God’s Vision for Romance and Intimacy

 Part 2: From Shame to Chains – How Silence and Shame Drive Us Toward Addiction and Confusion

🕊️ When We Stay Silent, We Stay Bound

When I released Part 1 of this series—about God’s passion and the Song of Songs—I noticed something telling.

The likes were few.
The comments were quiet.
But the views? Higher than anything else I’ve written.

What does that tell us?

People want answers about intimacy.
People long to understand how God fits into romance and desire.
But most are too embarrassed—or too afraid—to say so out loud.

And that silence?
It becomes a breeding ground for shame.
And shame, left unspoken, turns into chains.

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🔹 The Unspoken Truth: Shame Seeks Shadows

When the church avoids honest conversations about sex, love, and desire, the world becomes the teacher.

We hide our questions because we’re taught that “good Christians” don’t ask them.
We feel dirty for having desires God Himself designed.
And in that hidden place, curiosity finds a substitute: magazines, movies, social media, pornography.

What we won’t talk about at the table, we whisper about behind closed doors.

“We left God in shame… only to end up in chains.”

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🔹 Shame Grows in the Dark

Secrecy has always been Satan’s playground.
Ephesians 5:11 (NIV) says:

“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”

Yet when we hide:

• Shame festers.

• Confusion deepens.

• Secret struggles become patterns.

• Patterns become addictions.

And all along, the enemy whispers, “You can’t tell anyone. They’ll think you’re filthy.”

So we stay quiet.
We stay addicted.
We stay alone.

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🔹 This Is Not God’s Design

God never shamed Adam and Eve for being naked.
Shame entered when sin did—and even then, God called out to them:

“Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9, NIV)

That question echoes today.
Where are you hiding your pain?
Where have you covered up what was meant to be open and sacred?

God invites us out of hiding—not to scold, but to heal.

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🔹 The Chains We Carry

When shame is never named, it leads to:

• Pornography use (even among church leaders)

• Affairs and secrecy in marriages

• Unrealistic expectations shaped by Internet fantasies

• A growing numbness to real love and genuine connection

We do not become more holy by pretending these struggles don’t exist.
We become more enslaved.

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🔹 Step Into the Light

Confession is not weakness.
Accountability is not bondage.
God’s Word says:

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”
—James 5:16 (NIV)

Healing begins where shame ends: in the light.

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🌿 Closing Thought: The Chain-Breaker

The good news is this:
The same God who designed holy intimacy is the One who destroys shame.

He sees the secret clicks.
He knows the lonely searches.
He understands the regrets you’ve carried for years.

And He does not condemn you.
He calls you to freedom.

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“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
—John 8:32 (NIV)

Part 1: The Scripture We Don’t Preach

 

Sacred and Unashamed: Reclaiming God’s Vision for Romance and Intimacy

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🕊️ Introduction: The Bible’s Boldest Love Poem

There’s a book in the Bible that many pastors won’t touch from the pulpit.
It doesn’t explain prophecy.
It doesn’t recount miracles.
It doesn’t name Jesus directly—yet it speaks of Him deeply.

It is a book filled with passion, longing, beauty, and desire.
And it is Scripture.

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
for your love is more delightful than wine.”
—Song of Songs 1:2 (NIV)

How did a book like this end up in the Bible—and why don’t we talk about it?

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🔹 A Holy Romance, Not an Embarrassment

For generations, Song of Songs has been avoided, allegorized, or ignored.
We spiritualize its verses, rush past them, or relegate them to premarital counseling checklists.

But in doing so, we’ve missed something vital:
God is not ashamed of love.
He is not embarrassed by attraction.
He is not silent about the intimacy He created.

In fact, He celebrates it—openly, poetically, and without apology.

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🔹 God Is Not Afraid of Passion—He Designed It

Human intimacy, in its purest form, is a reflection of God's joy in connection and covenant.

In Song of Songs:

• The woman initiates desire and admiration (1:2–4)

• The man affirms her beauty repeatedly (4:1–15)

• There is a mutual pursuit, not coercion or shame (3:1–4)

• Their love is both physical and emotional, bound by trust (8:6–7)

This is not lust. It is love—on fire.
And it was God’s idea.

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🔹 If the Church Stays Silent, the World Won’t

Let’s ask a hard question:
If the Church isn’t willing to teach about intimacy, where do people go?

Magazines? Pornography? TikTok?
The answers are obvious—and tragic.

Many believers grow up never hearing a single sermon on godly passion.
So when curiosity or desire awakens, they turn to the internet, not the Lord.
And what begins as wonder often ends in bondage.

We left God in shame… only to end up in chains.

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🔹 The Invitation: Return to the Sacred

Song of Songs invites us to return—to see romance and intimacy not as something God tolerates, but something He sanctifies.

This part of life doesn’t live outside of our faith—it is woven into it.
In the beauty of marriage, the tenderness of touch, and the sacred mystery of becoming one flesh, God is present.

He wrote this song.
And He’s calling His people to sing it again—with reverence, with joy, and without shame.

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📖 Closing Thought + Scripture

“Place me like a seal over your heart… for love is as strong as death… It burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame.”
—Song of Songs 8:6 (NIV)

If God placed such a book in Scripture, perhaps it’s time we opened it—not just with curiosity, but with honor.

When the Church Hurts: Finding Healing Outside the Walls

✝️ What Does It Mean to Be “Church-Hurt”?

It’s a phrase that’s become far too common—and still not talked about nearly enough.

Church hurt is more than disappointment with a sermon or a program. It’s the grief that settles in when a place meant to be safe becomes a source of pain.

It’s the pastor who never followed up.
The elder who broke confidentiality.
The leadership team that chose silence over justice.
The friend who weaponized Scripture to control or shame.

I speak with people like this often. And the pain they carry is real.

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🗣️ And Yet, When I Ask Local Pastors…

I often hear a quiet shrug and the phrase:

“People just aren’t committed anymore.”

But I disagree.

The people I meet aren’t lazy or spiritually weak. They’re bruised. They’re exhausted.
And many are terrified to be wounded again.

Jesus is no hired hand. He did not run from the wolves—He laid down His life for His flock.
(John 10:11–13, NIV)

When spiritual abuse, manipulation, or neglect go unaddressed, we must say clearly:

That is not the Church Jesus died for.
And it is certainly not the heart of the Shepherd.

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📊 What the Numbers Are Telling Us

Church hurt isn’t just anecdotal. It’s showing up in national data.

🧩 Key Stats:

• 28% of U.S. adults now identify as religiously unaffiliated
  (Pew Research Center, 2021)

• 64% of practicing Christians believe churches are not equipped to handle mental health
  (Barna Group, 2020)

• Nearly 1 in 4 churchgoers prefer to seek counseling outside the church
  (Barna Group, Mental Health in the Church)

• Among Gen Z, over 50% report high levels of anxiety, but many don’t trust the church as a safe space to discuss it

What this tells us is simple:

The need for healing is high—and the trust in church-based solutions is low.

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🕯️ So Where Do the Wounded Go?

Some walk away entirely.
Some quietly drift from pews to therapists’ offices, hoping for kindness.
Others still love God deeply—but feel safer healing outside the walls of the institution that hurt them.

Let’s be clear:

God does not require your trust in a church to offer His healing.
He does not ask you to pretend the pain wasn’t real.

Psalm 34:18 (NIV) says:

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
That doesn’t say “those who stayed in church” or “those who kept quiet.”
It says brokenhearted. That’s who He draws near to.

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🛠️ Therapy Can Be a Healing Space—Even When Church Wasn’t

If you're seeking counseling because you’ve been hurt by a church, you’re not alone—and you’re not wrong.

In fact, God may very well be guiding you toward restoration through a therapist, counselor, or support group outside the formal church setting.

He’s not limited to pulpits and praise songs.
He is present in every honest conversation, every session of healing, every step toward peace.

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🌿 Final Encouragement

If you’ve experienced church hurt, please hear this:

• God still sees you

• Jesus still calls you His own

• And your faith is not broken just because the institution failed you

There is no shame in seeking help. There is no weakness in stepping back from religious spaces if they have wounded you.
But there is hope in this:

God never left.
And He is still in the business of healing the brokenhearted.

Faith in the Therapy Room: Why Bringing God into Your Healing Journey Matters

 

🌿 Introduction – When Faith Meets Therapy

For many Christian believers, therapy feels like a gray area. We trust God. We pray. We read Scripture. So why would we need a therapist? 

But here's the truth: seeking help doesn’t mean we’ve lost faith—it can mean we’re living it out.

Therapy and faith are not in competition. They are, in many ways, companions on the journey toward healing and wholeness. In fact, bringing your faith into the counseling room can create a powerful, transformative space—one where both Scripture and science are at work in your restoration.

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🔹 1. Faith Enhances Healing—It Doesn’t Replace It

Scripture is full of reminders that we are holistic beings—body, mind, and spirit.

• Proverbs 20:5 (NIV): “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.”

• Just as we go to doctors for physical ailments, we can seek therapists to help us navigate grief, trauma, and distorted thinking

Faith and therapy are not mutually exclusive. Seeking counsel—whether from a pastor or a trained clinician—is deeply biblical. Proverbs 11:14 tells us, “For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers.”

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🔹 2. The Bible Models Emotional Honesty

Some believers assume that sadness, anxiety, or anger are signs of spiritual failure. But in Scripture, we see a different story:

• David wrote psalms of deep sorrow, fear, and frustration

• Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus and sweat blood in Gethsemane

• Job lamented honestly before God without losing his righteousness

Psalm 34:18 (NIV): “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

God isn’t asking us to fake peace—we are invited to process pain in His presence. Therapy can become a sacred place to do just that.

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🔹 3. Christian Clients Often Benefit from Faith-Integrated Therapy

When faith is welcomed—not dismissed—into the counseling space, research shows believers may experience better outcomes.

📚 Peer-Reviewed Sources:

• Dr. Harold G. Koenig (Duke University) notes:

  “Religious involvement is associated with better mental health outcomes, including reduced depression, lower suicide risk, and increased well-being.”
  (Koenig et al., Handbook of Religion and Health, 2012)

• The American Psychological Association affirms:

  “For religious clients, integration of faith in therapy can help them process spiritual struggles, increase hope, and deepen therapeutic engagement.”
  (American Psychologist, 2013)

• The Journal of Psychology and Theology has documented that:

  Spiritually integrated CBT and other therapeutic approaches often yield equal or better results for Christian clients, especially in cases of depression and anxiety.

For many believers, faith is not just a belief—it’s a coping strategy, moral compass, and source of hope. Ignoring it can hinder growth. Embracing it can accelerate healing.

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🔹 4. Faith Helps Reframe Pain Through a Redemptive Lens

Christian belief offers something unique in therapy: a purpose beyond the pain.

• Romans 8:28 (NIV): “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him…”

• 2 Corinthians 1:4 (NIV): “…[God] comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble…”

Faith doesn’t eliminate suffering, but it can redeem it. In therapy, this hope-filled perspective often becomes a turning point.

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🔹 5. Practical Ways to Bring Faith Into Therapy

If you're a believer beginning therapy, consider:

✅ Letting your therapist know faith is important to you
✅ Using Scripture and prayer as part of your personal reflection
✅ Asking about spiritually-integrated therapists or Christian counselors
✅ Meditating on truths like Psalm 46:10 (“Be still, and know that I am God”) during difficult emotional work

Therapy becomes a place not just to analyze thoughts—but to submit them to Christ
(2 Corinthians 10:5).

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🙏 Closing Reflection

You’re not less spiritual for seeking therapy. You’re brave enough to face what hurts—and faithful enough to invite God into it.

God is not confined to churches, devotionals, or quiet times. He is already waiting for you in the therapy room—with compassion, wisdom, and healing in His hands.